I have to say that this birthday snuck up on me. The last month has been one of the most amazing and agonizing I have ever had. And in my lunatic life, that is saying something. The fact that I am turning another year older seems insignificant by comparison.
By far, the wonderful gift of my new daughter has been the most transforming thing I have ever experienced. Because she is not yet legally free, becoming her parent has been bittersweet.
I feel like trying to write about the things that have been on my mind is a fool's errand. I can't comprehend it yet. I have a vague feeling that I somehow SHOULD be able to chronicle this journey a bit better, but for some reason my creativity is a bit stoppered at the moment.
Yesterday I took A to the county office for a scheduled visit with her bio-dad, only to find that he had checked in, and then inexplicably left. My heart just crushed for A. She's so little and vulnerable. And she knew we were there to see him, and he wasn't there. She cried when I put her back in the car. Thank god there are lots of Christmas lights on the houses on the drive home; it was a nice distraction for her.
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