I Just Play a Witch On T.V.

I am no sorceress, but I have been accused of witchcraft many times in my life. To be truthful, at my most experimental, I have tried only 2-3 "white" magic spells in my whole life. I would not really call myself religious in any way, and that includes Wicca. I just have my own thing going.

But I have a vibe for certain people. Spooky, kinda. Some folks, usually the bible-thumping sorts, get it in their heads all the time that I am a witch. At this point in my life, I would say that says a lot more about them than it does about me. I think it has a lot to do with the uncanny way I have of unnerving people who have something to hide. Honest, open, and loving people seem to get along great with me. I'm a cuddly sort with an earnest, philosophical nature.

Some people really, really hate me though. I'm intense and sometimes just too loud. I'm just excitable. I'm always kinda shocked when I get the full venom from people, however. Like, "who, me?"

I found out today that the people who sued me for libel and lost (could that really have been 1999?) actually appealed the case, which I was unaware of (why is that, I wonder?). They did appeal it to the Nevada State Supreme Court and lost again in 2002. Then they asked the SUPREME COURT OF THE UNITED STATES to hear them out in 2003. I need to research this and see what happened.

Clearly, this case was not heard by the court, or I would have had reporters at my door. It would have been a big deal First Amendment case about the world of restaurant reviewing. Yes, all of this vitriol was over a restaurant review. I did not enjoy my lunch and said so in my column.

They have spent quite a bit of money on fighting this thing. Years after that libel suit has become interesting cocktail party chatter for me, a story about my days as a freelance journalist, they are, as far as I can tell, laboring under the impression that I am capable of "malicious intent". Anyone who knows me even a little would find that laughable. Cynical, sure. Bitchy? Sometimes. But malice? No freaking way.

But these people hate me. They think I ruined their lives. They think I single-handedly, or with the help of complicit editors, took them down out of some kind of spite. I didn't know who they even were before they let down my palate one Friday afternoon. I was just working on a deadline and needed a place to review. If I could go back in time and go to some other restaurant that day, I would do it for several reasons.

I don't like it that someone would hate me to Supreme Court proportions. That is just a fucking trip to me. Yes, I wrote an article that caused them to have a downturn in business. It was a dramatic event for them. Ultimately, the restaurant folded. But guess what? Most restaurants DO fold. Even good ones who deserve more time sometimes can't make it. It is a tough business, and dealing with cranky critics is part if the gig. Taking those situations in stride can make all the difference.

I'm just not sure that hurling almost a decade of maledictions at an erstwhile underpaid reporter is going to undo the hurt these people feel. I think I got paid about $75-$100 plus expenses for that article.

So, that is my scary Halloween story. Apparently I am the most foul, loathsome creature to ever wriggle out from under a rock. I must be stopped, before my untenable snobbery hurts another innocent purveyor of victuals. Horrors.

Actually, I just found out that the wife of this husband/wife team has written a book about their experience. I'm guessing that they used my real name in it.

http://www.amazon.com/Restaurant-Gettin-Their-Kicks-Stompin/dp/141964467X

There. I just gave them a free plug. Anybody want to get a copy and tell me if I should sue for libel? They called me unethical and overzealous in the dust jacket copy. I wonder if the book is making enough money to cover all those legal bills?