Doggie Jekyll/Sasha Hyde

How is a lab/sheltie mix like a refrigerator light?

Oh, how I wish that was the beginning of a really funny joke, but this dog is driving me batty.

It is probably because I am at home a lot more often during the day now while Tony is at work. Sasha is a total Daddy's girl and has been from the moment I (yes, me) brought her home as a gift to him. She LOVES him. Unfortunately, she also is very neurotic and nervous when he is not around.

Honestly, it is like she is two different dogs. When Tony is at home she is mostly chill and just hangs out by him. When he is gone she barks CONSTANTLY. Worse, when she wants food, or to go out or some other thing, She chases me around near my heels and barks at ME! First thing in the morning when I haven't yet had my coffee that is really annoying.

No amount of obedience training has ever made an impression on this dog that I am above her in the pack hierarchy. She drinks out of the toilet, gets food off the counter in the kitchen, and even tries to steal food from Little A. Mama Ferrante is not bloody amused.

I used to say I was a dog person. Now I would say that I do not love all dogs. Just some dogs. Oh, Sasha is okay. She's very friendly and cute-to Tony. But to me she has been a giant pain in the ass lately.

Okay, not just lately. We are talking about the dog that jumped on the bed one time and peed on my head. We are talking about the dog that has gotten into the garbage and eaten the bones of a roasted chicken, and then barfed ALL OVER the house. We are talking about a dog who has eaten more loaves of bread than I can count, including a festive loaf of homemade braided apple bread that I made from scratch.

I want a divorce...from this dog.

Before you get all uppity on me, please know that I am mostly just venting here. I love all my pets, and Sasha is a good dog for the most part. It is just that when she chooses to act up, it isn't while Tony is home, and that seems highly unfair to me.

And to think that I saved her life when she was a puppy. Thankless dog. She got Parvo and I was going to have her euthanized so Tony wouldn't have to do it, but she looked up at me with those liquid brown eyes and licked my nose and suckered me into paying the vet a huge sum of cash to try and pull her through. It worked and we rejoiced.

But she is getting old and senile now and has mistaken me for a 24-hour food dispenser. I swear, she would eat round the clock if we allowed it. I have actually taken my books and left the house just so I didn't have to listen to her. That's right. I allowed the dog to chase me out of my own home. She is whining at me as we speak, even though I fed her an hour ago. *pulls hair out*

Tony will be home in an hour, then she will mellow out. In the meantime, I can listen to Sasha whine and Little A beg for innapropriate snacks, also in a whiny voice. By the time he gets home I am going to be whining, too.

Calgon take me away?