That is, I am willing, to an extent, to fail. Of course it makes me miserable sometimes when I do, but when something is important to me, I'll go out on a limb. Following that metaphor, I do fall out of the tree entirely sometimes, but other times I get a spectacular view.
I like the whole "nothing ventured, nothing gained" approach. I adore trying new things and meeting new people. Maybe sometimes it looks a little random the way I throw myself into the deep end of new projects and try to clumsily swim. Luckily for me, if I can get into the right frame of mind, I don't mind looking like a fool if it gets a laugh out of my friends. Since I can't really pull off "graceful", I'll go with coltish and hopefully end up just like a cute little dope if I mess up.
I know so many talented and interesting people that I do feel like the court jester on occasion. My life feels like a slapstick, madcap comedy to the outsider's gaze. That suits me fine most of the time, but lately shit has been so damn serious that efforts to lighten things up have seemed Sisyphean.
I for one can't wait until school starts. Of course, the people at work are not making it easy for me. Some are just jealous, because my scholarship is a huge benefit that they have not worked to get like I had to. If they want to get all bitchy because they didn't choose to spend two years taking grueling biology classes to prepare for the nursing program, I can't really do anything about that.
I found out through the grapevine that even though I am leaving in a few weeks, they aren't content to leave me in my same desk until I go, and are moving me to a smaller one this week. I'm mostly just annoyed that I wasn't told earlier or, I don't know, by management. Geez.
But I get to throw myself into an intense course of study soon. I actually CAN'T fail at that. I have a contract that says I have to keep a certain GPA or risk severe penalties. Fortunately for me, I have a pretty good noodle on my shoulders, and tend to get very good grades.
I need to take up actual juggling, since I do so much virtual juggling. The fact that I can't juggle seems out of character for me. I should be able to do all kinds of circus tricks. I already twist myself in knots to try to meet the needs of the people around me!
New adventures are coming. I am so sick of waiting. Once I am neck deep in it I may regret saying that, but won't it be nice to have some measure of forward momentum again?
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