Public Service Announcement

Hey Gang! Guess what? It is time for a public service announcement from the Stacie User Manual!

Yay!

Today's lesson: Stacie doesn't behave.

The sooner you learn this the better. If we are going to be friends you need to learn to delight in my subversive nature and funny little ways. I say audacious things and delight in blasphemy. I give the finger to authority on a daily basis. I flirt openly with my friends, despite being married myself and the fact that most of them are also married. If you have a poker up your bum about it, you probably won't stick around long. If you try to put me under your thumb and make me play nice and be demure and respectable, we are going to have a problem.

So, why should you put up with that? Sounds like a pain in the ass, right?

I'll tell you why. Because once you are in my inner circle and I am quite certain I love you, I will do ANYTHING for you. I'll make you soup when you are sick, hold you against my soft body when you are grieving, and rail against anyone who comes at you with all my might with no regard for myself. I will sit up with you until the wee hours of the night and think of all the ways we can rend petty revenge on your boss, your ex, and your personal trainer. I will think up more and more elaborate schemes while ladling you with beer until you are laughing again.

I will tell you with total honesty and no hesitation all the little reasons why I love you, and why everyone else should too. I will derisively mock anyone who doesn't think you are fabulous.

If you are reading this and I call you "friend", then you are the following:

1. Gorgeous
2. Talented
3. Sexy
4. Funny
5. Smart
6. Witty
7. Honest
8. Loving
9. Kind
10. Smart-assed

I have excellent taste in people, and I don't put up with bullshit for one second. If you are mine, then I am yours. I'm in your corner, your boon companion, your bodyguard and your playmate. If that means you have to try to refrain from rolling your eyes when I joke that I wanna put my tongue in your ear, well isn't that a small price to pay? And on my bad days when I feel broken, tell me that there are good, good reasons that you love me, too. Soon I will curl up next to you and be back to plotting, whispering in your ear all the adventures we can have, and feel ready to have some fun.

That is all.